למה הוא עושה את זה

לנדי בנקרופט
למה הוא עושה את זה / בנקרופט לנדי

הספר ”למה הוא עושה את זה?” עוסק בגברים כעסנים ושתלטנים במערכת יחסים מתעללת. לנדי בנקרופט, המתמחה בעבודה עם גברים מתעללים, כותב על סימני האזהרה הראשוניים לקשר מתעלל, על טיפוסי אישיות של מתעללים, על תפקידם של אלכוהול וסמים בהתעללות ועוד.
שם: למה הוא עושה את זה
מחבר/ת: לנדי בנקרופט
שפה: עברית
תחום: מין זוגיות ואהבה
תת תחום: מין זוגיות ואהבה
מק״ט: 011521737
קרא עוד
המחיר הקטלוגי של הפריט: 98.00
קרא פרק ראשון
				 
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         <h3>הקדמה</h3>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">אני</span> <span class="regular">עובד</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">כועסים</span> <span class="regular">ושתלטנים</span> <span class="regular">בתור</span> <span class="regular">יועץ</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">מאבחן</span> <span class="regular">וחוקר</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">במהלך</span> <span class="regular">יותר</span> <span class="regular">מ</span><span class="regular">־</span><span class="regular">15</span>
               <span class="regular">שנה</span> <span class="regular">צברתי</span> <span class="regular">ידע</span> <span class="regular">רב</span> <span class="regular">מאלפיים</span> <span class="regular">ומעלה</span> <span class="regular">מקרים</span> <span class="regular">שטיפלתי</span> <span class="regular">בהם</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">למדתי</span> <span class="regular">לזהות</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הסימנים</span> <span class="regular">המקדימים</span> <span class="regular">להתעללות</span> <span class="regular">ושתלטנות</span> <span class="regular">שאישה</span> <span class="regular">יכולה</span> <span class="regular">להיזהר</span> <span class="regular">מפניהם</span> <span class="regular">בתחילתה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">מערכת</span> <span class="regular">יחסים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">למדתי</span> <span class="regular">להבין</span> <span class="regular">מה</span> <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">שתלטן</span> <span class="regularbold">באמת</span> <span class="regular">אומר</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">אילו</span> <span class="regular">משמעויות</span> <span class="regular">מסתתרות</span> <span class="regular">בדבריו</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">למדתי</span> <span class="regular">אילו</span> <span class="regular">סימנים</span> <span class="regular">מראים</span> <span class="regular">שתוקפנות</span> <span class="regular">מילולית</span> <span class="regular">ורגשית</span> <span class="regular">עומדת</span> <span class="regular">להפוך</span> <span class="regular">לאלימות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">למדתי</span> <span class="regular">כיצד</span> <span class="regular">להבחין</span> <span class="regular">בין</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">המעמידים</span> <span class="regular">פנים</span> <span class="regular">שהם</span> <span class="regular">משתנים</span> <span class="regular">ובין</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">שעובדים</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">עצמם</span> <span class="regular">בכנות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">ולמדתי</span> <span class="regular">שמידת</span> <span class="regular">הקשר</span> <span class="regular">בין</span> <span class="regular">התעללות</span> <span class="regular">ובין</span> <span class="regularbold">רגשותיו</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">רופפת</span> <span class="regular">להפתיע</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">המטופלים</span> <span class="regular">שלי</span> <span class="regular">אינם</span> <span class="regular">שונים</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">בחוויותיהם</span> <span class="regular">הרגשיות</span> <span class="regular">מגברים</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">לעומת</span> <span class="regular">זאת</span> <span class="regular">התעללות</span> <span class="regular">קשורה</span> <span class="regular">קשר</span> <span class="regular">הדוק</span> <span class="regularbold">לאורח החשיבה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גבר</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">התשובות</span> <span class="regular">טמונות</span> <span class="regular">בראשו</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">אולם</span> <span class="regular">אף</span> <span class="regular">על</span>
               <span class="regular">פי</span> <span class="regular">שאני</span> <span class="regular">מברך</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">ההזדמנות</span> <span class="regular">שניתנה</span> <span class="regular">לי</span> <span class="regular">להגיע</span> <span class="regular">להבנה</span> <span class="regular">הזאת</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regularbold">אינני נמנה עם האנשים הזקוקים לה ביותר</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">מי</span> <span class="regular">שעשוי</span> <span class="regular">להפיק</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">מרב</span> <span class="regular">התועלת</span> <span class="regular">מידע</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">ועל</span> <span class="regular">דרך</span> <span class="regular">החשיבה</span> <span class="regular">שלהם</span> <span class="regular">הן</span> <span class="regularbold">נשים</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ואני</span> <span class="regular">מזמין</span> <span class="regular">אותן</span> <span class="regular">להשתמש</span> <span class="regular">במה</span> <span class="regular">שלמדתי</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span> <span class="regular">לעזור</span> <span class="regular">לעצמן</span> <span class="regular">לזהות</span> <span class="regular">מתי</span> <span class="regular">מערכת</span> <span class="regular">היחסים</span> <span class="regular">שתלטנית</span> <span class="regular">כלפיהן</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">משפילה</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">למצוא</span> <span class="regular">דרכים</span> <span class="regular">להשתחרר</span> <span class="regular">מהתעללות</span> <span class="regular">כאשר</span> <span class="regular">היא</span> <span class="regular">מתרחשת</span> <span class="regular">ולדעת</span> <span class="regular">כיצד</span> <span class="regular">להימנע</span> <span class="regular">בעתיד</span> <span class="regular">מקשר</span> <span class="regular">זוגי</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">מתעלל</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">שתלטן</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">נצלן</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">מטרת</span> <span class="regular">הספר</span> <span class="regular">היא</span> <span class="regular">לצייד</span> <span class="regular">נשים</span> <span class="regular">ביכולת</span> <span class="regular">להגן</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">עצמן</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">גופנית</span> <span class="regular">ורגשית</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">מפני</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">כועסים</span> <span class="regular">ושתלטנים</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">בתחילת</span> <span class="regular">העבודה</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">הספר</span> <span class="regular">הזה</span> <span class="regular">הכנתי</span> <span class="regular">רשימה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">21</span>
               <span class="regular">השאלות</span> <span class="regular">השכיחות</span> <span class="regular">ביותר</span> <span class="regular">שנשים</span> <span class="regular">שואלות</span> <span class="regular">אותי</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">בן</span>
               <span class="regular">הזוג</span> <span class="regular">המתעלל</span> <span class="regular">שלהן</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">לדוגמה</span><span class="regular">:</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">"</span><span class="regular">האם</span>
               <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">באמת</span> <span class="regular">מצטער</span><span class="regular">?"</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">"</span><span class="regular">מדוע</span>
               <span class="regular">רוב</span> <span class="regular">החברים</span> <span class="regular">שלנו</span> <span class="regular">מצדדים</span> <span class="regular">בו</span><span class="regular">?"</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="הפקת מהדורה אלקטרונית על ידי מנדלי מוכר-ספרים ברשת"/><span class="regular"><span class="regular">"</span><span class="regular">האם</span>
               <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">יכה</span> <span class="regular">אותי</span> <span class="regular">יום</span> <span class="regular">אחד</span><span class="regular">?"</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">ושאלות</span> <span class="regular">רבות</span> <span class="regular">אחרות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">לאחר</span> <span class="regular">מכן</span> <span class="regular">בניתי</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">ההסברים</span> <span class="regular">שלי</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">בסיס</span> <span class="regular">החששות</span> <span class="regular">האלה</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">כדי</span> <span class="regular">שנשים</span> <span class="regular">יוכלו</span> <span class="regular">למצוא</span> <span class="regular">בספר</span> <span class="regular">זה</span> <span class="regular">את</span>
               <span class="regular">המידע</span> <span class="regular">שהן</span> <span class="regular">זקוקות</span> <span class="regular">לו</span> <span class="regular">בדחיפות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">כל</span>
               <span class="regular">21</span> <span class="regular">השאלות</span> <span class="regular">האלה</span> <span class="regular">מופיעות</span> <span class="regular">בהדגשה</span> <span class="regular">לאורך</span> <span class="regular">הספר</span><span class="regular">;</span>
               <span class="regular">ייתכן</span> <span class="regular">שתרצו</span> <span class="regular">לדפדף</span> <span class="regular">בזריזות</span> <span class="regular">ולחפש</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">התייחסותי</span> <span class="regular">לנושאים</span> <span class="regular">הבוערים</span> <span class="regular">לכן</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">עוד</span> <span class="regular">מטרה</span> <span class="regular">חשובה</span> <span class="regular">שלי</span> <span class="regular">היא</span> <span class="regular">להציע</span> <span class="regular">עזרה</span> <span class="regular">לכל</span> <span class="regular">אישה</span> <span class="regular">שנאבקת</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">היחס</span> <span class="regular">שהיא</span> <span class="regular">מקבלת</span> <span class="regular">במערכת</span> <span class="regular">היחסים</span> <span class="regular">שלה</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">בלי</span> <span class="regular">קשר</span> <span class="regular">לתווית</span> <span class="regular">שהיא</span> <span class="regular">בוחרת</span> <span class="regular">לתיאור</span> <span class="regular">ההתנהגות</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">בן</span>
               <span class="regular">זוגה</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">מילים</span> <span class="regular">דוגמת</span> <span class="regularbold">שליטה</span> <span class="regular">ו</span><span class="regularbold">התעללות</span> <span class="regular">הן</span> <span class="regular">טעונות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ואת</span>
               <span class="regular">עשויה</span> <span class="regular">להרגיש</span> <span class="regular">שאינן</span> <span class="regular">מתאימות</span> <span class="regular">לנסיבות</span> <span class="regular">שלך</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">בחרתי</span> <span class="regular">להשתמש</span> <span class="regular">במילה</span> <span class="regularbold">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">לתיאור</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">בעלי</span> <span class="regular">קשת</span> <span class="regular">רחבה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">התנהגויות</span> <span class="regular">שתלטניות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">משפילות</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">מאיימות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">במקצת</span> <span class="regular">המקרים</span> <span class="regular">אני</span> <span class="regular">מדבר</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">מכים</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">ובאחרים</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">המנצלים</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">מעליבים</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">בנות</span> <span class="regular">זוגם</span> <span class="regular">אבל</span> <span class="regular">לעולם</span> <span class="regular">אינם</span> <span class="regular">מפחידים</span> <span class="regular">אותן</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">מאיימים</span> <span class="regular">עליהן</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אחדים</span> <span class="regular">מהגברים</span> <span class="regular">שאני</span> <span class="regular">מתאר</span> <span class="regular">במהלך</span> <span class="regular">הספר</span> <span class="regular">משנים</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">מצב</span> <span class="regular">רוחם</span> <span class="regular">בצורה</span> <span class="regular">קיצונית</span> <span class="regular">כל</span> <span class="regular">כך</span>
               <span class="regular">ולעתים</span> <span class="regular">תכופות</span> <span class="regular">כל</span> <span class="regular">כך</span>
               <span class="regular">עד</span> <span class="regular">שהאישה</span> <span class="regular">לעולם</span> <span class="regular">אינה</span> <span class="regular">יכולה</span> <span class="regular">להיות</span> <span class="regular">בטוחה</span> <span class="regular">באשר</span> <span class="regular">לטיבם</span> <span class="regular">האמיתי</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">לא</span>
               <span class="regular">כל</span> <span class="regular">שכן</span> <span class="regular">לתייג</span> <span class="regular">אותם</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">בן</span> <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">עלול</span> <span class="regular">לנהוג</span> <span class="regular">בשחצנות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">לתמרן</span> <span class="regular">אותך</span> <span class="regular">רגשית</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">לנהוג</span> <span class="regular">באנוכיות</span> <span class="regular">שוב</span> <span class="regular">ושוב</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">אך</span> <span class="regular">הצדדים</span> <span class="regular">הטובים</span> <span class="regular">יותר</span> <span class="regular">שלו</span> <span class="regular">עשויים</span> <span class="regular">לגרום</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">להרגיש</span> <span class="regular">שהוא</span> <span class="regular">רחוק</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">מלהיות</span> <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">"</span><span class="regular">מתעלל</span><span class="regular">".</span> <span class="regular">אנא</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">אל</span> <span class="regular">תניחי</span> <span class="regular">לשפה</span> <span class="regular">שאני</span> <span class="regular">משתמש</span> <span class="regular">בה</span> <span class="regular">להרתיע</span> <span class="regular">אותך</span><span class="regular">;</span>
               <span class="regular">בחרתי</span> <span class="regular">במילה</span> <span class="regular">"</span><span class="regular">מתעלל</span><span class="regular">"</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span>
               <span class="regular">לתאר</span> <span class="regular">בקצרה</span> <span class="regular">"</span><span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">שגורמים</span> <span class="regular">בקביעות</span> <span class="regular">לבנות</span> <span class="regular">זוגם</span> <span class="regular">להרגיש</span> <span class="regular">שהן</span> <span class="regular">מקבלות</span> <span class="regular">יחס</span> <span class="regular">פוגעני</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">מבטל</span><span class="regular">".</span> <span class="regular">את</span>
               <span class="regular">רשאית</span> <span class="regular">לבחור</span> <span class="regular">מונח</span> <span class="regular">אחר</span> <span class="regular">אם</span> <span class="regular">את</span>
               <span class="regular">חושבת</span> <span class="regular">שהוא</span> <span class="regular">מתאר</span> <span class="regular">טוב</span> <span class="regular">יותר</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">בן</span>
               <span class="regular">זוגך</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אולם</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">חשוב</span> <span class="regular">באיזו</span> <span class="regular">דרך</span> <span class="regular">בן</span> <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">מתעמר</span> <span class="regular">בך</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">בספר</span> <span class="regular">זה</span> <span class="regular">תמצאי</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">התשובות</span> <span class="regular">לשאלות</span> <span class="regular">המציקות</span> <span class="regular">לך</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">אם</span> <span class="regular">את</span>
               <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">אתה</span> <span class="regular">במערכת</span> <span class="regular">יחסים</span> <span class="regular">הומוסקסואלית</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">גם</span>
               <span class="regular">לכם</span> <span class="regular">יש</span> <span class="regular">מקום</span> <span class="regular">כאן</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">נשים</span> <span class="regular">לסביות</span> <span class="regular">וגברים</span> <span class="regular">הומוסקסואלים</span> <span class="regular">שמתעללים</span> <span class="regular">בבני</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">בנות</span> <span class="regular">זוג</span> <span class="regular">מציגים</span> <span class="regular">דפוסי</span> <span class="regular">חשיבה</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">טקטיקות</span> <span class="regular">ותירוצים</span> <span class="regular">דומים</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">לאלה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">הטרוסקסואלים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">במהלך</span> <span class="regular">הספר</span> <span class="regular">אשתמש</span> <span class="regular">בלשון</span> <span class="regular">זכר</span> <span class="regular">לתיאור</span> <span class="regular">המתעלל</span> <span class="regular">ובלשון</span> <span class="regular">נקבה</span> <span class="regular">לתיאור</span> <span class="regular">הקרבן</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span>
               <span class="regular">לשמור</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">פשטות</span> <span class="regular">ובהירות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">אך</span>
               <span class="regular">ללסביות</span> <span class="regular">ולהומוסקסואלים</span> <span class="regular">שעברו</span> <span class="regular">התעללות</span> <span class="regular">שמור</span> <span class="regular">מקום</span> <span class="regular">חשוב</span> <span class="regular">במחשבותיי</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">פחות</span> <span class="regular">מנשים</span> <span class="regular">הטרוסקסואליות</span> <span class="regular">נפגעות</span> <span class="regular">התעללות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">מובן</span> <span class="regular">שיהיה</span> <span class="regular">עליכם</span> <span class="regular">לשנות</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">המונחים</span> <span class="regular">המגדריים</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span> <span class="regular">להתאימם</span> <span class="regular">למערכת</span> <span class="regular">היחסים</span> <span class="regular">הספציפית</span> <span class="regular">שלכם</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">ועל</span> <span class="regular">כך</span> <span class="regular">אני</span> <span class="regular">מתנצל</span> <span class="regular">מראש</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">בפרק</span> <span class="regular">שש</span> <span class="regular">תמצאו</span> <span class="regular">התייחסות</span> <span class="regular">מפורשת</span> <span class="regular">לדומה</span> <span class="regular">ולשונה</span> <span class="regular">במתעללים</span> <span class="regular">בני</span> <span class="regular">אותו</span> <span class="regular">מין</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">בדומה</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ספר</span>
               <span class="regular">זה</span> <span class="regular">מכיל</span> <span class="regular">סיפורים</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">המגיעים</span> <span class="regular">מרקעים</span> <span class="regular">אתניים</span> <span class="regular">ותרבותיים</span> <span class="regular">מגוונים</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">אף</span> <span class="regular">שהגישות</span> <span class="regular">וההתנהגויות</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">שתלטנים</span> <span class="regular">ומתעללים</span> <span class="regular">משתנות</span> <span class="regular">מתרבות</span> <span class="regular">לתרבות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">גיליתי</span> <span class="regular">שנקודות</span> <span class="regular">הדמיון</span> <span class="regular">עולות</span> <span class="regular">בהרבה</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">ההבדלים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אם</span>
               <span class="regular">בן</span> <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">מהגר</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">לבן</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">אם</span>
               <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">שייכת</span> <span class="regular">לאחת</span> <span class="regular">הקבוצות</span> <span class="regular">האלה</span> <span class="regular">בעצמך</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">תגלי</span> <span class="regular">שחלק</span> <span class="regular">ניכר</span> <span class="regular">מהנושאים</span> <span class="regular">בספר</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">אולי</span> <span class="regular">אפילו</span> <span class="regular">כולו</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">מתאימים</span> <span class="regular">לחוויה</span> <span class="regular">שלך</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">אף</span> <span class="regular">שלא</span> <span class="regular">פירטתי</span> <span class="regular">לאיזה</span> <span class="regular">גזע</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">קבוצה</span> <span class="regular">אתנית</span> <span class="regular">שייכים</span> <span class="regular">המקרים</span> <span class="regular">שהבאתי</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">כשליש</span> <span class="regular">מהגברים</span> <span class="regular">המתעללים</span> <span class="regular">שאני</span> <span class="regular">מביא</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">סיפורם</span> <span class="regular">הם</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">לבנים</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">שמוצאם</span> <span class="regular">מחוץ</span> <span class="regular">לצפון</span> <span class="regular">אמריקה</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">בפרק</span> <span class="regular">שש</span> <span class="regular">אדון</span> <span class="regular">בסוגיות</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גזע</span> <span class="regular">ותרבות</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl" style="text-align:center; text-indent:0em;"><span class="regular"><span class="regular"> </span></span></p>
         	  
         
         <p dir="rtl" style="text-indent:0;"><span class="הפקת מהדורה אלקטרונית על ידי מנדלי מוכר-ספרים ברשת"/><span class="larger118bold">עבודתי עם גברים כעסנים ושתלטנים</span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl" style="text-indent:0;"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">התחלתי</span> <span class="regular">לייעץ</span> <span class="regular">לגברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">באופן</span> <span class="regular">פרטני</span> <span class="regular">וקבוצתי</span> <span class="regular">ב</span><span class="regular">־</span><span class="regular">1987</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">בעת</span> <span class="regular">שעבדתי</span> <span class="regular">בתכנית</span> <span class="regular">בשם</span> <span class="regular">אימ</span><span class="regular">ֶ</span><span class="regular">ר</span><span class="regular">ְ</span><span class="regular">ג</span><span class="regular">',</span>
               <span class="regular">הסוכנות</span> <span class="regular">הראשונה</span> <span class="regular">בארצות</span> <span class="regular">הברית</span> <span class="regular">שהציעה</span> <span class="regular">שירותים</span> <span class="regular">מיוחדים</span> <span class="regular">לגברים</span> <span class="regular">שמתעללים</span> <span class="regular">בנשים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">בחמש</span> <span class="regular">השנים</span> <span class="regular">הבאות</span> <span class="regular">עבדתי</span> <span class="regular">כמעט</span> <span class="regular">בלעדית</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">מטופלים</span> <span class="regular">שהגיעו</span> <span class="regular">לתכנית</span> <span class="regular">מרצונם</span> <span class="regular">החופשי</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">השתתפותם</span> <span class="regular">הייתה</span> <span class="regular">בדרך</span> <span class="regular">כלל</span> <span class="regular">תוצאה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">לחץ</span> <span class="regular">כבד</span> <span class="regular">מצד</span> <span class="regular">בנות</span> <span class="regular">זוגם</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">שאיימו</span> <span class="regular">בפרידה</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">כבר</span> <span class="regular">נפרדו</span> <span class="regular">מהם</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">במקרים</span> <span class="regular">רבים</span> <span class="regular">האישה</span> <span class="regular">כבר</span> <span class="regular">הגישה</span> <span class="regular">בקשה</span> <span class="regular">בבית</span> <span class="regular">המשפט</span> <span class="regular">לצו</span> <span class="regular">הרחקה</span> <span class="regular">מהבית</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">לצו</span> <span class="regular">האוסר</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">הגבר</span> <span class="regular">ליצור</span> <span class="regular">אתה</span> <span class="regular">קשר</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">המניע</span> <span class="regular">העיקרי</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">הגברים</span> <span class="regular">שפנו</span> <span class="regular">לייעוץ</span> <span class="regular">היה</span> <span class="regular">להציל</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הזוגיות</span> <span class="regular">שלהם</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">לעתים</span> <span class="regular">קרובות</span> <span class="regular">חשו</span> <span class="regular">מידה</span> <span class="regular">מסוימת</span> <span class="regular">רגשות</span> <span class="regular">אשם</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">אי</span><span class="regular">־</span><span class="regular">נוחות</span> <span class="regular">בשל</span> <span class="regular">ההתנהגות</span> <span class="regular">המתעללת</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">אך</span>
               <span class="regular">בה</span> <span class="regular">בעת</span> <span class="regular">הם</span> <span class="regular">היו</span> <span class="regular">משוכנעים</span> <span class="regular">לחלוטין</span> <span class="regular">בתירוצים</span> <span class="regular">ובהצדקות</span> <span class="regular">שלהם</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">בשל</span> <span class="regular">השכנוע</span> <span class="regular">הפנימי</span> <span class="regular">הזה</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">רגשות</span> <span class="regular">החרטה</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">היו</span> <span class="regular">מניע</span> <span class="regular">חזק</span> <span class="regular">דיו</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span> <span class="regular">להתמיד</span> <span class="regular">בתכנית</span> <span class="regular">שלי</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">בשנים</span> <span class="regular">הראשונות</span> <span class="regular">השתמשו</span> <span class="regular">הגברים</span> <span class="regular">שעבדתי</span> <span class="regular">עמם</span> <span class="regular">בהתעללות</span> <span class="regular">רגשית</span> <span class="regular">ומילולית</span> <span class="regular">הרבה</span> <span class="regular">יותר</span> <span class="regular">משנקטו</span> <span class="regular">אלימות</span> <span class="regular">גופנית</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">אם</span>
               <span class="regular">כי</span> <span class="regular">רובם</span> <span class="regular">איימו</span> <span class="regular">בתקיפה</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">תקפו</span> <span class="regular">הלכה</span> <span class="regular">למעשה</span> <span class="regular">לפחות</span> <span class="regular">במקרים</span> <span class="regular">ספורים</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">במהלך</span> <span class="regular">שנות</span> <span class="regular">התשעים</span> <span class="regular">הגבירה</span> <span class="regular">המערכת</span> <span class="regular">המשפטית</span> <span class="regular">במידה</span> <span class="regular">רבה</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">מעורבותה</span> <span class="regular">באלימות</span> <span class="regular">במשפחה</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">והתוצאה</span> <span class="regular">הייתה</span> <span class="regular">שגברים</span> <span class="regular">החלו</span> <span class="regular">להירשם</span> <span class="regular">לתכנית</span> <span class="regular">בצו</span> <span class="regular">בית</span> <span class="regular">המשפט</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">תחילה</span> <span class="regular">היו</span> <span class="regular">רק</span> <span class="regular">אחדים</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ובהמשך</span> <span class="regular">מספרם</span> <span class="regular">גדל</span> <span class="regular">וגדל</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">נטייתם</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">אלה</span> <span class="regular">לאלימות</span> <span class="regular">פיזית</span> <span class="regular">הייתה</span> <span class="regular">גבוהה</span> <span class="regular">בהרבה</span> <span class="regular">מנטייתם</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">המטופלים</span> <span class="regular">הקודמים</span> <span class="regular">שלנו</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">אלה</span>
               <span class="regular">היו</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">שהשתמשו</span> <span class="regular">בכלי</span> <span class="regular">נשק</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">היכו</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">בנות</span> <span class="regular">זוגן</span> <span class="regular">באכזריות</span> <span class="regular">שהביאה</span> <span class="regular">לאשפוזן</span> <span class="regular">בבית</span> <span class="regular">חולים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">עם</span>
               <span class="regular">זאת</span> <span class="regular">שמנו</span> <span class="regular">לב</span> <span class="regular">שגברים</span> <span class="regular">אלה</span> <span class="regular">אינם</span> <span class="regular">שונים</span> <span class="regular">מהותית</span> <span class="regular">מהמטופלים</span> <span class="regular">שהתעללו</span> <span class="regular">מילולית</span><span class="regular">:</span> <span class="regular">העמדות</span> <span class="regular">והתירוצים</span> <span class="regular">שלהם</span> <span class="regular">היו</span> <span class="regular">דומים</span> <span class="regular">בדרך</span> <span class="regular">כלל</span> <span class="regular">והם</span> <span class="regular">הפעילו</span> <span class="regular">אכזריות</span> <span class="regular">רגשית</span> <span class="regular">לצד</span> <span class="regular">התוקפנות</span> <span class="regular">הגופנית</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">חשוב</span> <span class="regular">לציין</span> <span class="regular">גם</span> <span class="regular">שבנות</span> <span class="regular">הזוג</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">הגברים</span> <span class="regular">המכים</span> <span class="regular">תיארו</span> <span class="regular">מצוקות</span> <span class="regular">דומות</span> <span class="regular">לאלה</span> <span class="regular">ששמענו</span> <span class="regular">מהנשים</span> <span class="regular">שעברו</span> <span class="regular">התעללות</span> <span class="regular">נפשית</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ומכאן</span> <span class="regular">למדנו</span> <span class="regular">שלסוגים</span> <span class="regular">שונים</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">התעללות</span> <span class="regular">יש</span> <span class="regular">השפעות</span> <span class="regular">הרסניות</span> <span class="regular">דומות</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">נשים</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">במהלך</span> <span class="regular">שנות</span> <span class="regular">עבודתי</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">שתלטנים</span> <span class="regular">ומתעללים</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">עמיתיי</span> <span class="regular">ואני</span> <span class="regular">תמיד</span> <span class="regular">הקפדנו</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">לדבר</span> <span class="regular">גם</span> <span class="regular">עם</span>
               <span class="regular">האישה</span> <span class="regular">שהמטופל</span> <span class="regular">שלנו</span> <span class="regular">התעלל</span> <span class="regular">בה</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">בין</span> <span class="regular">שהיו</span> <span class="regular">עדיין</span> <span class="regular">זוג</span> <span class="regular">ובין</span> <span class="regular">שלא</span> <span class="regular">(</span><span class="regular">במקרים</span> <span class="regular">שהגבר</span> <span class="regular">התחיל</span> <span class="regular">מערכת</span> <span class="regular">יחסים</span> <span class="regular">חדשה</span> <span class="regular">שוחחנו</span> <span class="regular">גם</span> <span class="regular">עם</span>
               <span class="regular">בת</span> <span class="regular">הזוג</span> <span class="regular">החדשה</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">וכך</span>
               <span class="regular">למדנו</span> <span class="regular">כיצד</span> <span class="regular">הגבר</span> <span class="regular">המתעלל</span> <span class="regular">ממשיך</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הדפוסים</span> <span class="regular">שלו</span> <span class="regular">ממערכת</span> <span class="regular">יחסים</span> <span class="regular">אחת</span> <span class="regular">לאחרת</span><span class="regular">).</span> <span class="regular">בעזרת</span> <span class="regular">הראיונות</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">הנשים</span> <span class="regular">קיבלנו</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">המידע</span> <span class="regular">הרב</span> <span class="regular">ביותר</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">כוח</span> <span class="regular">ושליטה</span> <span class="regular">במערכות</span> <span class="regular">יחסים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">משיחותינו</span> <span class="regular">אתן</span> <span class="regular">למדנו</span> <span class="regular">גם</span> <span class="regular">שגברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">מספרים</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הסיפור</span> <span class="regular">שלהם</span> <span class="regular">מתוך</span> <span class="regular">הכחשה</span> <span class="regular">עצומה</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">הם</span>
               <span class="regular">מפחיתים</span> <span class="regular">בערך</span> <span class="regular">העובדות</span> <span class="regular">הקשורות</span> <span class="regular">להתנהגותם</span> <span class="regular">ומעוותים</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">המציאות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ועל</span>
               <span class="regular">כן</span> <span class="regular">אין</span> <span class="regular">לנו</span> <span class="regular">דרך</span> <span class="regular">לקבל</span> <span class="regular">מושג</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">המתרחש</span> <span class="regular">במערכת</span> <span class="regular">יחסים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללת</span> <span class="regular">בלי</span> <span class="regular">להקשיב</span> <span class="regular">היטב</span> <span class="regular">לנפגעת</span> <span class="regular">ההתעללות</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">קשה</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">לעסוק</span> <span class="regular">בייעוץ</span> <span class="regular">לגברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">הם</span>
               <span class="regular">בדרך</span> <span class="regular">כלל</span> <span class="regular">מתעקשים</span> <span class="regular">שלא</span> <span class="regular">להתמודד</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">הנזק</span> <span class="regular">שגרמו</span> <span class="regular">לנשים</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ותכופות</span> <span class="regular">גם</span> <span class="regular">לילדים</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">נאחזים</span> <span class="regular">חזק</span> <span class="regular">בתירוצים</span> <span class="regular">שלהם</span> <span class="regular">ומאשימים</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הקרבן</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">כפי</span>
               <span class="regular">שתראו</span> <span class="regular">בהמשך</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">הם</span>
               <span class="regular">נקשרים</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">לזכויות</span> <span class="regular">היתר</span> <span class="regular">הנלוות</span> <span class="regular">להתעמרות</span> <span class="regular">בבנות</span> <span class="regular">הזוג</span> <span class="regular">שלהם</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">יתרה</span> <span class="regular">מזו</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">דפוסי</span> <span class="regular">החשיבה</span> <span class="regular">שלהם</span> <span class="regular">מקשים</span> <span class="regular">עליהם</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">לדמיין</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">עצמם</span> <span class="regular">במערכת</span> <span class="regular">יחסים</span> <span class="regular">מכבדת</span> <span class="regular">ושוויונית</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">אישה</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">לעתים</span> <span class="regular">שואלים</span> <span class="regular">אותי</span><span class="regular">:</span>
               <span class="regular">לשם</span> <span class="regular">מה</span> <span class="regular">לעבוד</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">אם</span> <span class="regular">כל</span>
               <span class="regular">כך</span> <span class="regular">קשה</span> <span class="regular">לגרום</span> <span class="regular">להם</span> <span class="regular">להשתנות</span><span class="regular">?</span> <span class="regular">יש</span>
               <span class="regular">כמה</span> <span class="regular">סיבות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">ראשית</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">אפילו</span> <span class="regular">אם</span> <span class="regular">רק</span>
               <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">אחד</span> <span class="regular">מתוך</span> <span class="regular">קבוצה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">עשרה</span> <span class="regular">יחולל</span> <span class="regular">שינוי</span> <span class="regular">משמעותי</span> <span class="regular">לטווח</span> <span class="regular">ארוך</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">פירוש</span> <span class="regular">הדבר</span> <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">שקיבלתי</span> <span class="regular">תמורה</span> <span class="regular">טובה</span> <span class="regular">לזמן</span> <span class="regular">ולאנרגיות</span> <span class="regular">שהשקעתי</span> <span class="regular">משום</span> <span class="regular">שהאישה</span> <span class="regular">והילדים</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">אותו</span> <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">יחוו</span> <span class="regular">שינוי</span> <span class="regular">מרחיק</span> <span class="regular">לכת</span> <span class="regular">באיכות</span> <span class="regular">חייהם</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">שנית</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">אני</span> <span class="regular">מאמין</span> <span class="regular">שגברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">צריכים</span> <span class="regular">להיות</span> <span class="regular">אחראים</span> <span class="regular">למעשיהם</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אם</span>
               <span class="regular">הם</span> <span class="regular">משתתפים</span> <span class="regular">בתכנית</span> <span class="regular">לגברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">הם</span> <span class="regular">לפחות</span> <span class="regular">שומעים</span> <span class="regular">גינוי</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">הנזק</span> <span class="regular">שהם</span> <span class="regular">חוללו</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">יתרה</span> <span class="regular">מזו</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">יש</span> <span class="regular">בי</span> <span class="regular">תקווה</span> <span class="regular">(</span><span class="regular">ואני</span>
               <span class="regular">רואה</span> <span class="regular">הוכחות</span><span class="regular">)</span> <span class="regular">שאם</span>
               <span class="regular">החברה</span> <span class="regular">תבין</span> <span class="regular">שגברים</span> <span class="regular">הפוגעים</span> <span class="regular">בצורה</span> <span class="regular">כרונית</span> <span class="regular">בנשים</span> <span class="regular">ומשפילים</span> <span class="regular">אותן</span> <span class="regular">נדרשים</span> <span class="regular">לתת</span> <span class="regular">דין</span> <span class="regular">וחשבון</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">מעשיהם</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ייתכן</span> <span class="regular">שנצליח</span> <span class="regular">לשנות</span> <span class="regular">בהדרגה</span> <span class="regular">ערכים</span> <span class="regular">תרבותיים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">שלישית</span> <span class="regular">וחשוב</span> <span class="regular">ביותר</span><span class="regular">:</span> <span class="regular">מבחינתי</span> <span class="regular">האישה</span> <span class="regular">שהמטופל</span> <span class="regular">שלי</span> <span class="regular">פגע</span> <span class="regular">בה</span> <span class="regular">היא</span> <span class="regular">האדם</span> <span class="regular">שאני</span> <span class="regular">מעניק</span> <span class="regular">לו</span> <span class="regular">שירות</span> <span class="regular">בראש</span> <span class="regular">ובראשונה</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ואני</span> <span class="regular">יוצר</span> <span class="regular">עמה</span> <span class="regular">קשר</span> <span class="regular">לפחות</span> <span class="regular">פעם</span> <span class="regular">בכמה</span> <span class="regular">שבועות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">מטרתי</span> <span class="regular">היא</span> <span class="regular">לתת</span> <span class="regular">לה</span> <span class="regular">תמיכה</span> <span class="regular">רגשית</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">מידע</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">ייעוץ</span> <span class="regular">ושירותים</span> <span class="regular">משפטיים</span> <span class="regular">העומדים</span> <span class="regular">לרשותה</span> <span class="regular">(</span><span class="regular">בדרך</span>
               <span class="regular">כלל</span> <span class="regular">בלא</span> <span class="regular">תשלום</span><span class="regular">)</span> <span class="regular">ולסייע</span> <span class="regular">לה</span> <span class="regular">להתיר</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הסבך</span> <span class="regular">הרגשי</span> <span class="regular">שבן</span> <span class="regular">זוגה</span> <span class="regular">המתעלל</span> <span class="regular">יצר</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">אני</span> <span class="regular">יכול</span> <span class="regular">להקשות</span> <span class="regular">עליו</span> <span class="regular">לתמרן</span> <span class="regular">אותה</span> <span class="regular">ואני</span> <span class="regular">יכול</span> <span class="regular">להזהיר</span> <span class="regular">אותה</span> <span class="regular">ממהלכים</span> <span class="regular">ערמומיים</span> <span class="regular">שהוא</span> <span class="regular">מתכנן</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">מהסלמה</span> <span class="regular">שאני</span> <span class="regular">רואה</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">כל</span> <span class="regular">עוד</span> <span class="regular">אני</span> <span class="regular">מתמקד</span> <span class="regular">באישה</span> <span class="regular">ובילדים</span> <span class="regular">ורואה</span> <span class="regular">בהם</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">מי</span>
               <span class="regular">שזכאים</span> <span class="regular">לעזרתי</span> <span class="regular">יותר</span> <span class="regular">מכול</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">כמעט</span> <span class="regular">תמיד</span> <span class="regular">אוכל</span> <span class="regular">לתרום</span> <span class="regular">תרומה</span> <span class="regular">חיובית</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">בין</span>
               <span class="regular">שהגבר</span> <span class="regular">המתעלל</span> <span class="regular">מחליט</span> <span class="regular">להתמודד</span> <span class="regular">ברצינות</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">הבעיה</span> <span class="regular">שלו</span> <span class="regular">ובין</span> <span class="regular">שלא</span> <span class="regular">(</span><span class="regular">בפרק</span>
               <span class="regular">14</span> <span class="regular">אסביר</span> <span class="regular">מה</span> <span class="regular">מתרחש</span> <span class="regular">בתכנית</span> <span class="regular">ייעוץ</span> <span class="regular">לגברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">ואסביר</span> <span class="regular">איך</span> <span class="regular">האישה</span> <span class="regular">יכולה</span> <span class="regular">להבחין</span> <span class="regular">אם</span> <span class="regular">התכנית</span> <span class="regular">מוצלחת</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">לא</span><span class="regular">).</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">בשנים</span> <span class="regular">האחרונות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">בעקבות</span> <span class="regular">עבודתי</span> <span class="regular">כחוקר</span> <span class="regular">התעללות</span> <span class="regular">בילדים</span> <span class="regular">ופקיד</span> <span class="regular">סעד</span> <span class="regular">לענייני</span> <span class="regular">משמורת</span> <span class="regular">מטעם</span> <span class="regular">כמה</span> <span class="regular">בתי</span> <span class="regular">משפט</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">יצרתי</span> <span class="regular">קשר</span> <span class="regular">חדש</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">משפחות</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">בפרק</span> <span class="regular">עשר</span> <span class="regular">אספר</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">התובנות</span> <span class="regular">שלי</span> <span class="regular">בעקבות</span> <span class="regular">הניסיון</span> <span class="regular">הזה</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">ואעמוד</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">חוויותיהם</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">ילדים</span> <span class="regular">שנחשפו</span> <span class="regular">לגברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">בדרך</span> <span class="regular">כלל</span> <span class="regular">אב</span> <span class="regular">או</span>
               <span class="regular">אב</span> <span class="regular">חורג</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">ועל</span>
               <span class="regular">הדרכים</span> <span class="regular">שבהן</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">מסוימים</span> <span class="regular">ממשיכים</span> <span class="regular">בדפוסים</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">התנהגות</span> <span class="regular">שתלטנית</span> <span class="regular">ומאיימת</span> <span class="regular">בעת</span> <span class="regular">דיונם</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">משמורת</span> <span class="regular">בבתי</span> <span class="regular">משפט</span> <span class="regular">לענייני</span> <span class="regular">משפחה</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl" style="text-align:center; text-indent:0em;"><span class="regular"><span class="regular"> </span></span></p>
         	  
         
         <p dir="rtl" style="text-indent:0;"><span class="larger118bold">איך להשתמש בספר זה</span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl" style="text-indent:0;"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">חיים</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">בן</span>
               <span class="regular">זוג</span> <span class="regular">כעסן</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">שתלטן</span> <span class="regular">מתאפיינים</span> <span class="regular">פעמים</span> <span class="regular">רבות</span> <span class="regular">בניסיון</span> <span class="regular">שלו</span> <span class="regularbold">להגיד לך</span> <span class="regularbold">מה עלייך לחשוב</span> <span class="regular">ולגרום</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">לפקפק</span> <span class="regular">בדעות</span> <span class="regular">ובאמונות</span> <span class="regular">שלך</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">להפחית</span> <span class="regular">בערכן</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אני</span>
               <span class="regular">מקווה</span> <span class="regular">שהקריאה</span> <span class="regular">בספר</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">תגרום</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">לשחזר</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הדינמיקה</span> <span class="regular">הלא</span> <span class="regular">בריאה</span> <span class="regular">הזאת</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">ולכן</span> <span class="regular">במהלך</span> <span class="regular">הפרקים</span> <span class="regular">שלהלן</span> <span class="regular">כדאי</span> <span class="regular">להקשיב</span> <span class="regular">היטב</span> <span class="regular">לדבריי</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">אך</span>
               <span class="regular">חשוב</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">לזכור</span> <span class="regular">שעלייך</span> <span class="regular">תמיד</span> <span class="regular">לחשוב</span> <span class="regular">בעצמך</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אם</span>
               <span class="regular">כל</span> <span class="regular">חלק</span> <span class="regular">שהוא</span> <span class="regular">מהתיאור</span> <span class="regular">שלי</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">גברים</span> <span class="regular">מתעללים</span> <span class="regular">אינו</span> <span class="regular">עולה</span> <span class="regular">בקנה</span> <span class="regular">אחד</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">הניסיון</span> <span class="regular">שלך</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">השאירי</span> <span class="regular">אותו</span> <span class="regular">בצד</span> <span class="regular">והתמקדי</span> <span class="regular">בחלקים</span> <span class="regular">הרלוונטיים</span> <span class="regular">לך</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">אולי</span> <span class="regular">אפילו</span> <span class="regular">תניחי</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הספר</span> <span class="regular">מפעם</span> <span class="regular">לפעם</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span> <span class="regular">לשאול</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">עצמך</span> <span class="regular">"</span><span class="regular">איך</span>
               <span class="regular">כל</span> <span class="regular">זה</span> <span class="regular">קשור</span> <span class="regular">למערכת</span> <span class="regular">היחסים</span> <span class="regularbold">שלי</span><span class="regular">?</span> <span class="regular">אילו</span> <span class="regular">דוגמאות</span> <span class="regular">אני</span> <span class="regular">יכולה</span> <span class="regular">להביא</span> <span class="regular">להתנהגות</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">שתלטן</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">אכזרי</span> <span class="regular">ולצורת</span> <span class="regular">החשיבה</span> <span class="regular">שלו</span><span class="regular">?"</span>
               <span class="regular">אם</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">נתקלת</span> <span class="regular">בקטעים</span> <span class="regular">שאינם</span> <span class="regular">נוגעים</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">–</span>
               <span class="regular">משום</span> <span class="regular">שאין</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">ילדים</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">למשל</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">משום</span> <span class="regular">שבן</span> <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">לעולם</span> <span class="regular">אינו</span> <span class="regular">מאיים</span> <span class="regular">פיזית</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">פשוט</span> <span class="regular">דלגי</span> <span class="regular">קדימה</span> <span class="regular">לקטעים</span> <span class="regular">שעשויים</span> <span class="regular">לעזור</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">יותר</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">יהיו</span> <span class="regular">נשים</span> <span class="regular">שירגישו</span> <span class="regular">שקשה</span> <span class="regular">להן</span> <span class="regular">מדי</span> <span class="regular">להיות</span> <span class="regular">לבד</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">הספר</span> <span class="regular">הזה</span> <span class="regular">משום</span> <span class="regular">שהוא</span> <span class="regular">מציף</span> <span class="regular">אותן</span> <span class="regular">בתחושות</span> <span class="regular">ובהבנות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אני</span>
               <span class="regular">מציע</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">לבקש</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">תמיכתם</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">חברים</span> <span class="regular">וקרובים</span> <span class="regular">שאת</span> <span class="regular">סומכת</span> <span class="regular">עליהם</span> <span class="regular">במהלך</span> <span class="regular">הדרך</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">הקריאה</span> <span class="regular">בספר</span> <span class="regular">ודאי</span> <span class="regular">תבהיר</span> <span class="regular">סוגיות</span> <span class="regular">מסוימות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">אך</span>
               <span class="regular">היא</span> <span class="regular">גם</span> <span class="regular">עשויה</span> <span class="regular">לעורר</span> <span class="regular">מודעות</span> <span class="regular">כואבת</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">מצערת</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="regular"><span class="regular">אני</span> <span class="regular">מבין</span> <span class="regular">שמאמץ</span> <span class="regular">רב</span> <span class="regular">נדרש</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span> <span class="regular">להתגבר</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">המבוכה</span> <span class="regular">ולדבר</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">אנשים</span> <span class="regular">קרובים</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">היחס</span> <span class="regular">הפוגעני</span> <span class="regular">שאת</span> <span class="regular">מקבלת</span> <span class="regular">בזוגיות</span> <span class="regular">שלך</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">יכול</span> <span class="regular">להיות</span> <span class="regular">שתתביישי</span> <span class="regular">בעובדה</span> <span class="regular">שיש</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">בן</span>
               <span class="regular">זוג</span> <span class="regular">שמתנהג</span> <span class="regular">לפעמים</span> <span class="regular">בדרכים</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">נעימות</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">רודניות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ואת</span>
               <span class="regular">עשויה</span> <span class="regular">להרגיש</span> <span class="regular">שאנשים</span> <span class="regular">ימתחו</span> <span class="regular">עלייך</span> <span class="regular">ביקורת</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">שלא</span> <span class="regular">עזבת</span> <span class="regular">אותו</span> <span class="regular">מיד</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">ייתכן</span> <span class="regular">שתחששי</span> <span class="regular">מההפך</span><span class="regular">:</span> <span class="regular">שהאנשים</span> <span class="regular">בקרבתך</span> <span class="regular">מחבבים</span> <span class="regular">כל</span> <span class="regular">כך</span>
               <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">בן</span> <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">עד</span> <span class="regular">שאינך</span> <span class="regular">בטוחה</span> <span class="regular">שהם</span> <span class="regular">יאמינו</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">כשתספרי</span> <span class="regular">כמה</span> <span class="regular">מרושע</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">מתעלל</span> <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">מסוגל</span> <span class="regular">להיות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אבל</span>
               <span class="regular">בלי</span> <span class="regular">קשר</span> <span class="regular">לחרדות</span> <span class="regular">האלה</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">חיוני</span> <span class="regular">ש</span><span class="regularbold">לא</span> <span class="regular">תישארי</span> <span class="regular">לבד</span> <span class="regular">עם</span> <span class="regular">המועקה</span> <span class="regular">והבלבול</span> <span class="regular">שמערכת</span> <span class="regular">היחסים</span> <span class="regular">מעוררת</span> <span class="regular">אצלך</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">מצאי</span> <span class="regular">מישהו</span> <span class="regular">שאת</span> <span class="regular">יכולה</span> <span class="regular">לסמוך</span> <span class="regular">עליו</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">זה</span>
               <span class="regular">יכול</span> <span class="regular">גם</span> <span class="regular">להיות</span> <span class="regular">אדם</span> <span class="regular">שמעולם</span> <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">חשבת</span> <span class="regular">לחלוק</span> <span class="regular">אתו</span> <span class="regular">–</span>
               <span class="regular">ושפכי</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הלב</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">זה</span> <span class="regular">ככל</span> <span class="regular">הנראה</span> <span class="regular">הצעד</span> <span class="regular">החשוב</span> <span class="regular">ביותר</span> <span class="regular">לקראת</span> <span class="regular">בנייה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">חיים</span> <span class="regular">נטולי</span> <span class="regular">שתלטנות</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">התעללות</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
         <p dir="rtl"><span class="הפקת מהדורה אלקטרונית על ידי מנדלי מוכר-ספרים ברשת"/><span class="regular"><span class="regular">אם</span> <span class="regular">ההתנהגות</span> <span class="regular">השתלטנית</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">המשפילה</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">בן</span>
               <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">כרונית</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">אין</span>
               <span class="regular">ספק</span> <span class="regular">שאת</span> <span class="regular">חושבת</span> <span class="regular">עליו</span> <span class="regular">חלק</span> <span class="regular">גדול</span> <span class="regular">מהזמן</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">תוהה</span> <span class="regular">איך</span> <span class="regular">לר</span><span class="regular">ַ</span><span class="regular">צות</span>
               <span class="regular">אותו</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">איך</span>
               <span class="regular">למנוע</span> <span class="regular">ממנו</span> <span class="regular">לסטות</span> <span class="regular">מהדרך</span> <span class="regular">או</span> <span class="regular">איך</span> <span class="regular">לגרום</span> <span class="regular">לו</span> <span class="regular">להשתנות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">התוצאה</span> <span class="regular">היא</span> <span class="regular">שאת</span> <span class="regular">עשויה</span> <span class="regular">לגלות</span> <span class="regular">שאין</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">די</span>
               <span class="regular">זמן</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span> <span class="regular">לחשוב</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regularbold">עצמך</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">ואינני</span> <span class="regular">מתכוון</span> <span class="regular">למחשבות</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">מה</span>
               <span class="regular">לא</span> <span class="regular">בסדר</span> <span class="regular">אצלך</span> <span class="regular">בעיני</span> <span class="regular">בן</span> <span class="regular">זוגך</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">אחת</span> <span class="regular">הסיבות</span> <span class="regular">המרכזיות</span> <span class="regular">שכתבתי</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הספר</span> <span class="regular">הזה</span> <span class="regular">היא</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">עד</span> <span class="regular">כמה</span> <span class="regular">שזה</span> <span class="regular">נשמע</span> <span class="regular">אירוני</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">לעזור</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">לחשוב</span> <span class="regular">עליו</span> <span class="regularbold">פחות</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אני</span>
               <span class="regular">מקווה</span> <span class="regular">שאם</span> <span class="regular">אענה</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">כמה</span> <span class="regular">שיותר</span> <span class="regular">שאלות</span> <span class="regular">ואפזר</span> <span class="regular">כמה</span> <span class="regular">שיותר</span> <span class="regular">מן</span> <span class="regular">הערפל</span> <span class="regular">שהתנהגות</span> <span class="regular">מתעללת</span> <span class="regular">יוצרת</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">אוכל</span> <span class="regular">לעזור</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">להיחלץ</span> <span class="regular">ממלכודת</span> <span class="regular">התעסקות</span> <span class="regular">היתר</span> <span class="regular">בבן</span> <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">כדי</span> <span class="regular">שתוכלי</span> <span class="regular">שוב</span> <span class="regular">להציב</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">עצמך</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">ואת</span>
               <span class="regular">ילדייך</span> <span class="regular">אם</span> <span class="regular">את</span>
               <span class="regular">אמא</span> <span class="regular">–</span> <span class="regular">במרכז</span> <span class="regular">החיים</span> <span class="regular">שלך</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">גבר</span> <span class="regular">כעסן</span> <span class="regular">ושתלטן</span> <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">מעין</span> <span class="regular">שואב</span> <span class="regular">אבק</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">יונק</span> <span class="regular">מן</span> <span class="regular">האישה</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">רגשותיה</span> <span class="regular">ואת</span> <span class="regular">חייה</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">אבל</span> <span class="regular">יש</span> <span class="regular">דרכים</span> <span class="regular">לקבל</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">חייך</span> <span class="regular">בחזרה</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">הצעד</span> <span class="regular">הראשון</span> <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">ללמוד</span> <span class="regular">לזהות</span> <span class="regular">מה</span> <span class="regular">בן</span>
               <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">עושה</span> <span class="regular">ומדוע</span> <span class="regular">הוא</span> <span class="regular">עושה</span> <span class="regular">זאת</span><span class="regular">,</span>
               <span class="regular">והפרקים</span> <span class="regular">שלהלן</span> <span class="regular">יאירו</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הנושאים</span> <span class="regular">האלה</span><span class="regular">.</span>
               <span class="regular">אולם</span> <span class="regular">לאחר</span> <span class="regular">שתצללי</span> <span class="regular">עמוק</span> <span class="regular">לתוך</span> <span class="regular">ראשו</span> <span class="regular">של</span> <span class="regular">המתעלל</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">משהו</span> <span class="regular">שהספר</span> <span class="regular">הזה</span> <span class="regular">יעזור</span> <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">לעשות</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">חשוב</span> <span class="regular">מאוד</span> <span class="regular">לחזור</span> <span class="regular">לפני</span> <span class="regular">השטח</span> <span class="regular">ומעתה</span> <span class="regular">ואילך</span> <span class="regularbold">להישאר מחוץ</span> <span class="regularbold">למים עד כמה שאפשר</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אינני</span> <span class="regular">מתכוון</span> <span class="regular">שאת</span> <span class="regular">חייבת</span> <span class="regular">בהכרח</span> <span class="regular">לעזוב</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">הגבר</span> <span class="regular">שאת</span> <span class="regular">נמצאת</span> <span class="regular">אתו</span> <span class="regular">–</span>
               <span class="regular">זו</span> <span class="regular">החלטה</span> <span class="regular">מורכבת</span> <span class="regular">ואישית</span> <span class="regular">ביותר</span> <span class="regular">שרק</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">מסוגלת</span> <span class="regular">להחליט</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">אולם</span> <span class="regular">בין</span> <span class="regular">שתישארי</span> <span class="regular">ובין</span> <span class="regular">שתעזבי</span><span class="regular">,</span> <span class="regular">ההחלטה</span> <span class="regular">המכריעה</span> <span class="regular">שאת</span> <span class="regular">יכולה</span> <span class="regular">להחליט</span> <span class="regular">היא</span> <span class="regular">להפסיק</span> <span class="regular">לאפשר</span> <span class="regular">לבן</span> <span class="regular">זוגך</span> <span class="regular">לסלף</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">נקודת</span> <span class="regular">המבט</span> <span class="regular">שלך</span> <span class="regular">על</span> <span class="regular">חייך</span> <span class="regular">ולכפות</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">דרכו</span> <span class="regular">אל</span> <span class="regular">מרכז</span> <span class="regular">התמונה</span><span class="regular">.</span> <span class="regular">יש</span>
               <span class="regular">לך</span> <span class="regular">זכות</span> <span class="regular">להעמיד</span> <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">עצמך</span> <span class="regular">במרכז</span> <span class="regular">החיים</span> <span class="regular">שלך</span><span class="regular">;</span>
               <span class="regular">את</span> <span class="regular">ראויה</span> <span class="regular">לכך</span><span class="regular">.</span></span></p>
         
         
         
         
      </div>
   
			
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